Thursday, May 6, 2010

the condition of my heart(kate)

I havent always had a whole heart.
It started off that way.
But it didn't stay that way.
It took me a long time to sew it up.


Growing up I was your typical naive christian girl. 16 years old, I had never been kissed and saving myself for marriage...I had never been in love and never thought of falling in love with anybody except the person that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. But sometimes fate tries to play God, and chance forces you to believe you have your everything when God knew all along it wasn't right yet, and that it wasn't right for you.



Names aren't important. What's important are the morals of the story. My clean heart, fell fast. I was wise beyond my years in so many ways and poured it all in to a boy who wasn't ready to handle it. I was to young. Did I know what I was doing? Yes. Could it of worked? Yes. WOULD it of worked in the long run? Nope.
Would it of been good for me in the long run? Nope.
Do I regret it? Nope.
If I could go back in time I would of told myself to run though...and run fast. I didn't know that it was gonna hit me that hard. I didn't know how it felt to fall like that. To be totally consumed by a person so much as they are on your heart and mind always.  I blame my pain on my good heart and my innocence.

The guy never did me wrong. He never treated me badly, but he broke my heart. How though?
That just makes no sense? Well don't worry I struggled with that for a long time. I hadn't done anything wrong in the relationship, he hadn't either. I'm pretty sure we both had equal feelings for each other.

So?

Why aren't we together?

I got the answer.

Here's the nitty gritty guys.
IF YOU ARE NOT 100 PERCENT DEVOTED AND YOUR PARTNER ISN'T EITHER AND YOU GUYS DON'T LITERALLY GIVE YOUR WHOLE RELATIONSHIP UP TO GOD, ITS NOT GONNA WORK OUT.

This world tears good stuff like love apart and without God true love doesn't stand.
Because God is true love.














Ok, sorry about the caps, but some girls (and guys) out there really needed to hear that.
Some of yall will say well I am a good girl, I am a christian I am not going to let him pressure me into anything, and he respects me...what could go wrong?
Or this one is my favorite.....well he is a GOOOOOOOD christian, but we don't ever really focus on God yet..
uhhh WHAT THE HECK?!!?!? hahaha sorry but really girls? Do you hear yourselves????????????
I mean come on!!!!!?!

Don't get me wrong, people get married,  live good lives, and happy marriages can last with out God(to a CERTAIN extent).

But, not fully and completely, the way we were made to enjoy them. There are normally secrets swept under the rug or certain degrees of selfishness involved, or simply loopholes in the bonding of the two people (they can only trust each other to a certain extent or don't give their whole hearts).
We always fall short, because we are only human. So in order to keep up we need a third party to help us out and keep us on track.

That where my man (Jesus) steps in.












Girls (and guys alike, Steven may want to add some to this post I'm not sure) when did you not become enough? Just you and your God? I know so many christian girls who do not walk with God, like they just don't trust him, with his love! They don't let him in to love them, because they don't feel like He cares...and then they turn to guys. Trust me I know that it's hard. But its also hard to mourn your first love. If you're reading this, God literally has someone hand picked out for you. It might not be the person you are with, it might be someone you haven't met yet. In fact it doesn't matter who it is at all, it matters where you are in your walk with God. Because even the right person at the wrong time is the wrong person(<3 you Caitlyn).


I'm an example of not waiting for God. And trying to do it all myself and turning my back away from God in order to pursue a different love of my life, before Him. And I have regretted it for an extremely long time. You guys, listen to what I have to say, and take it into consideration.






Love, Kate

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